today really feel so tired. did not really sleep in the afternoon. my mind was all about. DEAR, WIFE and DARLING. worse still i found out one super shocking and heart breaking news in the afternoon which make me cant really slp very well. keep waking up. feeling so tired of everything, there is so much thing in my mind when i saw the news.

~why cant my life like the past. with all the joys, friends and happiness around me?
~why does things started to change for the past two year plus.
~why i cant just dump everything behind and leave to the place i used to be, to the place where i can feel that i'm actually exist in this world but not transparent?
~why you are the one that can really hurt me so much, the hurts was so painful that i never had this feeling before.

all the thing keep spining around my head till i don't feel like waking up and just want to lie on the bed for the whole day whole night without facing anyone. but too bad. someone wake me up and i know i got to face it. but ended up i went to bath than went downstair. i cant imaging that i can really sit at the void deck alone with my mp4 playing. i also realise that i can really go and think when i'm alone all by myself with those cool wind flashing on me. suddenly missed those days when i'm sad or unhappy, my friend will drive me to east coast to listen to the sea but now hai, i was alone at the void deck without anyone to called to speak with. i missed the night sea sound and night.

after sitting for a few hours alone, i keep recalling what someone has told me before i left the house. at first i feel so angry and sad by those words. but after cooling down, i know what he/she say was really true.

~i everything also want.
~i keep complaining, demanding and finding fault on you.
~i don't want to work all this.
~i keep wanting to go chiong.
~i'm just a kiddo that never will grow up with a kiddo mindset.
~i'm too controlling.

maybe i should have realise that this ain't going to works it out before we have made the decision on 2008. i'm who i am and you are who you are. we just or maybe only me which i cant accept all the things you've done and so on.

~i'm just a childish kiddo with a childish thinking which don suit any mature thinking person.
~i'm just a person who keep thinking of playing playing and playing.
~i'm just a failure who keep fail her interview
~i'm just a useless person that cant help you in anything.
~i'm just a transparent person at your house.
~i'm just a fucking attitude person
~i'm just a person who demanding on you too much.

i'm letting everything go now. i just want back my own life with all my truly smile on my face but not a fake smile every now and than. i'm feeling tired, letting go will help you in getting out from those nonsense i've give all the time. it has been 2 yr 4 month 21 days le and is enough le. it's times to let it go than keep dragging and hold on to all the unhappiness between both of us. it wil only made the things more worse in the future. you can do anything you want or like without anyone showing any attitude on you. i'm the one whose is on fault everytime. really very sorry for wasting your times for the pass 1 years.

In ♥



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